We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
