I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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