I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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