you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
