Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
