she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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