I wish i was in the wii world.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
