i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
