The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
