So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
