She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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