I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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