1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
