I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
