I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
