yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
