so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
