This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
