You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
