Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
