overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
