hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
