After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
