Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
