I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
