who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
