I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
