the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
These tits shall not be calmed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
