So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
