i don't like sucking hair
In America we eat man semen.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
