I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
