and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
