Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
