just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
