As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize