he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize