Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize