Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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