Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
