you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
