my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
