Do you still have your period?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
