I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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