I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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