forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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