The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
