My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
