all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
