watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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