BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
