I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
