SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
