why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
