Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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