Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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