Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
