Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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