i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
