theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All the doctor said was why
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