when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
