got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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