I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
