Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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