So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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