Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
