Dual....:-)
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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