I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
