He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
