in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
