We won't sleep together?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize