i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
