mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
