i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
