Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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