I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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