I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
